What dreams may come.

I had a dream last night, or rather this morning. It was one of those mornings where you don’t have anything to do so you force yourself to go back to sleep...over and over again. Now I wish I would have just woken up. Before I tell you about the dream I need to tell you Robert and I had a spat last night, I have never cheated, Karen is Robert’s ex who cheated on him and they have two children, and I never thought of Sid like that.

The dream or nightmare or whatever began with me in our bedroom in our apartment (Robert and I evidently lived together) which was amazingly huge and fantastic. It was a large room with a king size bed with white sheets and white comforter and the room had large floor to ceiling windows that looked out over the city. Not sure what city, but some city. And it was night time and Robert was at work. There was a knock at the door and it was Sid, this guy I used to work with. Not sure how it happened but we began kissing and we moved from kissing in the doorway to kissing by the bar in the living room. I began to feel sort of apprehensive about getting caught and asked him to call Robert to make sure he was going to be gone for awhile. Long enough for us to have sex I guess. I need to say this is so not like me. I’ve never cheated on anyone and I never would, especially with Sid. This guy isn’t the cutest guy in the world. Back to the dream. When I asked him to call him he just kissed me harder and picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. Side note: this is an impossible feat just because of the way I am about being picked up and our size ratios. But anywho, it worked in the dream and it was pretty hot. We got to the bedroom and were making out, grinding through the clothes, blah blah and I could see the city lights behind him through the window and I remember thinking how beautiful the city was and how Robert must have been out there somewhere just doing his thing at work. Not worrying that his girlfriend was about to be screwed by another man. And it made me nervous. So we had sex and then I got really nervous about Robert coming home so I hurriedly got dressed. I looked up and Robert was standing in the doorway watching me and then he looked at Sid who was still nude but for the bed sheet he wrapped around himself. I’ll never forget that look on his face. Bewilderment, confusion, hurt. Then he turned around and left. I ran after him down the hall but the elevator doors shut just as I reached them. I called his cell phone and it went to voice mail. I didn’t know what to say so I just said I love you. I felt horrible.
I woke up with tears in my eyes. And I did the thing I always do when I want to continue a dream. I don’t let myself awake fully or my brain to start processing the dream, I just try to go back to sleep. I couldn’t let it end that way. I had to let Robert know how sorry I was. It was just a dream but it seemed so real. I couldn’t hurt him like that. I couldn’t live with that look I had seen on his face.
So I did go back to sleep and I was back at the apartment and Robert still hadn’t come home or returned my calls. I went downstairs and evidently Haley’s cousin John and Mark’s brother Eric lived with us. They were just hanging out with my Aunt Marie who was smoking crack. Please note that my Aunt Marie doesn’t smoke crack and I’m not even entirely sure if crack is in fact smoked. Anyway I said, “Aunt Marie, please don’t smoke crack in front of the kids” That was weird. Anyway, I went and changed our sheets and got into bed and just cried myself to sleep. I awoke to his arms around me and his voice at my ear. He told me that would be the last night he stayed in our apartment. He told me I was just like Karen only he was happy he had never had children with me because he would never have to see me again.
And then I woke up and didn’t try to go back to sleep.